The Greek Diaries, Friday the 27th of July 2012

This post first appeared on the original Benny With Love blog on Friday the 27th of July in 2012 as part of a daily journal I wrote while I was holidaying in Greece.

I've always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I have one of the biggest romantic comedy movie collections seen to man and ultimately believe that there is someone out there perfect for me. I generally blame Disney for this idealism, however I can’t help but cling to the notion that ‘Mr Right’ is around the next corner.

Like many I’ve had my heart broken, some breakages worse than others, some merely a scratch on the surface of my heart but all encounters have left their mark and even though there is a chance that with every new love there will be terrible pain I can’t help but throw myself head first into every opportunity I come across.

My friends, of late, have feared for my welfare, and often attempted to push clarity through my momentary fog but regardless of what words of wisdom pass their lips I still find myself reeling after the chance to find the right man who ticks all the boxes. Here in lies my problem, see I never choose ‘Mr Right’, rather I choose ‘Mr Right (with conditions attached)’. By conditions I mean the following; currently in a relationship, unable to commit, does not open up, doesn’t want a relationship, doesn’t find me attractive, lives in another country, expert in playing mind games…I could go on. So do I purposely look for ‘Mr Right (with conditions attached)’ to simply avoid finding ‘Mr Right’? Unconscious self-sabotage? Impossible.

How far would you go to be with ‘Mr Right’. I've no doubt I would move to the other side of the world, change my name and toss responsibility into the wind to experience an all consuming and complete love as I believe that said chances occur but once in a lifetime and you must take this chance or potentially miss something amazing.

I came to Greece alone this year as I felt that my life was off course. I felt that I was entirely imbalanced in every possible aspect of my being; my mind, my soul, my heart and my body were out of sync and no matter how hard I tried to pull them all together it was just not working, in fact, the opposite occurred- the harder I tried, the worse I became. I knew that coming to Greece would allow me time to reconnect with my being and spend some time to think about what I truly want- a question that is constantly asked of me by family, friends and work. 3:32am on Friday the 27th of July and I can safely say that I still have no idea of what I truly want. But does anyone? I think I need to get some sleep!